"radiohead - kid a" by brent dicrescenzo, by juulsexual
fellas-- is it gay to fuck an album?
it’s impossible to read brent dicrescenzo’s review of radiohead’s kid a without thinking about that guy you know. that guy from high school who smoked marb golds. you know what i mean— we all know him. we all know at least one. i think his first car was a silver subaru with subs in the back.
it’s not that dicrescenzo’s review improperly lauds or criticizes the album; the review is rather spot on in highlighting its moments of brilliance and excitement. no— it’s the fact that the review sounds an awful lot like fantasizing about sticking your dick through the hole in the center of vinyl records. this appeals to plenty of male radiohead fans who would surely stick their dicks into the littler hole at the center of a “kid a” CD, too, if it fit.
first and foremost, this review suffers from an excruciatingly dense use of metaphor. at one point i’m at an aquarium, at another point i’m watching a meteor shower, at another point i’m in valhalla. like, take it easy, dude; the average radiohead enjoyer is probably high out of their mind at that aquarium, only watching the meteor shower in an attempt to get laid, and only knows about norse mythology because he scrolled through the posts on some girl’s scandinavian forest-themed tumblr in middle school.
dicrescenzo name drops bjork, aphex twin, and the white album. i don’t know how to explain it, but radiohead, bjork, aphex twin, and the white album all sound exactly the same in the minds of white men.
anyway, i don’t have much else to say about this one without running the risk of being as unconscionably wordy as the original author. i hope brent’s ok.